an honest convo with myself
During my meditation session, I asked myself "What do I want?"
At first, I responded. "I want an actual career not just a job. I'm 27, I'm underemployed at a job I hate, still live with my parents, I don't have a car, I barely make money, I'm broke... etc., etc."
I didn't judge my thoughts, instead, I just let my thoughts flow. I tried to understand why I felt so negative.
Was it society's idea that if you don't have it all together by age 25, your life is over?
Was it the internalized shame and guilt that built over the years? what was it?
It was too much to try and figure out all of the answers. I released that feeling of trying to know everything. Because no one really does. We're just wingin' it and hoping for the best.
Anyways, I went back to the first part of my response. "I want a career" because It's vague. Deep down I didn't want any career. I want a career that aligns with my values and interests. I had to get more specific. I want a career that I can grow from.
I currently work at a bakery on the weekends. And as much as I enjoy baked goods, it's not a place where I can see myself in. Not for that long.
I am pursuing developer roles. I was self-taught for about 6 months and did a 15-week software engineering program. Now do I think I'm a programming pro? Hell no. Not in the slightest.
But I decided to go after what I wanted. To learn the skills needed to build awesome stuff and solve problems too.
Now I won't tell my life story of how much I loved computers as a kid, but I'll say this. Tinkering with different parts of the computer, seeing behind the scenes, knowing the "why" behind the tech. Yeah, I was hooked.
Fast forward. I am rebuilding my life and living on my own terms. I am doing what my younger self would be proud of today. I want to make her proud.
The more I code, the more I build. And the more I express my work to the world, the more opportunities will come to me.
Consistency, determination, and patience are key.